Saturday, December 31, 2011

Cause right now I wish you were here

If I had just one more day
I would tell you how much that I've missed you
Since you've been away
Oh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line to try and turn back time

Listening to the old songs, the memories come back again. I know I wasn't a good daughter. I know I was a rebel. I know I was such a pain and I know I've hurt you too many times before. But I tried to make things right when I realised my mistakes. I did everything I can just to mend our relationship, ayah. You know I did.

Do you remember during Bahas 4PM last year? The moment when the host announced my team as the champion, I scanned the crowd and the first person I saw was you. Because you were the first person to stand. You were the first person who cheered and clapped and at that fleeting moment I knew, after all these years, I finally made you proud. Didn't I?

The kiss you gave me on my forehead afterwards was the first (after years) and also the last kiss I ever got from you. After that incident, I had always wished you would kiss me again just the way you kiss my sisters before they go to bed. But you never did. I know, it was my own fault cause I was the one who distant myself away from you. And you just played along. For goodness sake if I could replay that historical moment again, I would. If I could record the moment and put in on repeat mode, I swear really would.

I had so much regrets now that you're gone and do you want to know what my biggest regret was? I regret that I had never ever told you that I love you so much. I had the chance to. But not even once did I take it.

Ayah, as I'm typing this my tears are flowing hard and seems like they are not going to stop. But my tears don't matter anymore cause it won't ever bring you back. Ayah, at this point of time I really miss you. I miss you so bad and I really want you here next to me. You don't have to say a word cause all I want is your presence here right now...with me.

I miss you.
Ps: There's nothing I wouldn't do to have just one more chance to look into your eyes and see you looking back.

4 comments:

  1. That's life, stay strong Nir.

    Al-fatihah :')

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  2. You and me, we're same. But dad left me when I was a kid. It almost 9 years dad had gone. Be strong, nir. I know how the feeling you're. Daripada Dia kita datang, kepada Dia kita kembali. Al-fatihah. ;)

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  3. be strong...nie kn ujian..semakin kita nak dekat dengan Dia,semakin kuat Dia uji kita…dan
    Ujian tu kan tanda Allah sayang kita..
    Trust in Him...trust....iA...smile :)

    ReplyDelete