So I had this conversation yesterday:-
Him: Kenapa awak tak guna nama awak sendiri? Kenapa guna Nirrosette?
Me: Sebab...saya malu.
Him: Kenapa awak nak malu pulak?
Me: Sebab...sebab...saya tak tahu lah!
For a moment I was at a lost for words when he asked me that. Honestly I don't want anyone to know I am Nirrosette. Nirrosette is like my alter ego. I just thought that its gonna be a major turn off if they know who I am and then they wont read my books anymore. Don't even ask me why I'm thinking like this. I have this thought lingering at the back of my head that people just don't seem to like me, you see. You can put the blame on insecurities. Hahaha I've always put the blame on insecurities in fact.
But I know I can't hide. I mean seriously I'm not good at hiding hahaha. I'm not Hlovate. And I don't intend to be her. I have no intention to hide my identity forever. I'm not a big shot. But I'm gonna make my appearance sooner or later and readers will find out who the real me is. Kan? And what's next? Am I doomed for life? Hahahaha Nir you're super paranoid, do you even know that? =.=
I told a friend all about my fears and then we had this conversation:-
Her: Are you sure the doctor operated the right organ? I'm sure they should have operated your head and inspect your brain instead.
Her: Nir! I don't understand. Why are you being so paranoid?! It's not like you buat salah ke apa okay!
Me: Memang la tak buat salah tapi...tapi...
Tapi apa Nir tapi apa?! If she's right in front of me at that moment, she might have attempted to strangle me or something. Hahahaha. She's right. I'm just being paranoid. For nothing. It's just me I guess. My self esteem is like, all the way down the drain kut sometimes? Cheh. I've self issues to deal with. Tsktsk!
And this Sunday...hais. I really don't know what to expect. Just wait and see. Maybe it's nothing after all. You're just overreacting, Nir. Takut dengan bayang-bayang sendiri for no apparent reason apehal? You need a good smack, like seriously.
So...anyone wants to offer me penampar bersiri? I'm more than glad to welcome you with open arms hahahaha :D