Girls are generally dependent. But I'm not. I'm independent. With ayah passed on and abang abroad, I had to step up. I wasn't given a choice but to grow up. I have to shoulder everything. And by everything I really mean every. single. thing. At times I do feel like a mother with three kids but with Allah's grace, I can handle everything well.
لَا يُكَلِّفُ اللَّهُ نَفْسًا إِلَّا وُسْعَهَا ۚ لَهَا مَا كَسَبَتْ وَعَلَيْهَا مَا اكْتَسَبَتْ
And it makes me feel like I don't need a man in my life to survive.
I'm blessed with supportive family and amazing friends. I've a career and a stable job in the future insyaAllah. I have more than enough. Despite the shortcomings, I'm really contented with life, alhamdulillah.
So why do I have to ask for more?
If it doesn't make any difference,
why do I want to get married?
why do I need to get married?
Maybe it's my ego.
Maybe I don't realise it yet.
Or maybe I was just being careful. I distant myself from people so I don't have to feel hurt.
Maybe it's true.
Maybe that's how I guard my heart.
I hope when the day comes,
I'll get married because I wanna get married.
Not because I wanna conform to social norms.
Not because I feel obliged to.
But because Allah wants me to.
And because I love you.