Monday, August 24, 2015


I'm not a cry baby. When I lost my dad, I cried only for a night cause subsequently I was forced to withhold my tears. I couldn't afford to cry when everyone around me needed me to be strong. I needed to be there for my brother, who's to shoulder ayah's reponsibilities next. I needed to be there for my mum who's emotionally distraught. And being the eldest daughter in the family, I needed to be there for my sisters too.

I've learnt to suppress my emotions eversince.

But the past week I find myself crying to sleep every night. Sampai flu rabak. Like today, I think of abang's conversation with me few weeks before my wedding. He said we need a catch up session once he's back in SG cause there were several stuff to discuss about. Now he's left with less than 2 weeks in SG before he flies back to Vancouver. And we still didn't manage to have a catch up session, just the two of us.

Soon, abang is leaving again.
Truth is, he leaves me all the time.

Like how he left me to take care of the family a month after ayah's demise.

So why does it feel like it's the first time you're leaving me behind?

You're twenty two and married, Nir. Stop being such a baby.


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